This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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