I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
