Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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