He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
