Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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