i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
