I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
