She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
