can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
