I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
