doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
