SEEEEXXX PLEASE
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize