I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
