You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
