we have pet lesbian snakes
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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