Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
