the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
