When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
