proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It's just like the Real World with babies
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Randomize
