We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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