Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
