i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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