Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
