i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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