So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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