So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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