My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I forget how to act sober
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