Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I got inside last night via doggy door
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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