wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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