And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize