Dude my mom stole all your condoms
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
