hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
