I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
