Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
what day is it and did you see me today?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
