well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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