I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
