currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
