I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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