you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize