i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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