I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
