remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
