i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize