So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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