i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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