I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
