if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
