Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
