she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
