Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
