Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
