he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
