you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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