i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
