yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
