do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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