she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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