I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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