your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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