Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
