i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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