so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
