Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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