He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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