Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
