Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so let's talk penis.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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