apparently the secret to your success is patron
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
