So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
