So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
