Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize