I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
