You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
