She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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