I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
